Maxine is a recent college graduate, hopeful novelist, and newest employee of the store.

 

Ryan is Sir’s former right hand man, but now works at the hardware store down the street.

 

Sir is evil. Sitting upon a throne of milk crates, he is a malevolent overseer and rules His store with an iron fist.

 

Todd is a nice boy, a hard-worker, and a good Christian. That’s the joke.

 

Brick.

 

The Black Knight is a villainous lord who, due to the recession, has fallen upon hard times.

 

Johann is Maxine’s boyfriend… somehow.

 

Ken is the owner of the hardware store and Ryan’s “boss”. He makes a wicked hemp and wheat grass salad.

 

Customers. You’re dumb, we hate you, and you don’t deserve a picture.