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Maxine is a recent college graduate, hopeful novelist, and newest employee of the store.


Ryan is Sir’s former right hand man, but now works at the hardware store down the street.


Sir is evil. Sitting upon a throne of milk crates, he is a malevolent overseer that rules His store with an iron fist.


Todd is a nice boy, a hard-worker, and a good Christian. That’s the joke.


The Redshirt was originally hired as an expendable meat shield, but had a few tricks up his sleeve.




The Black Knight is a villainous lord who, due to the recession, has fallen upon hard times.


Ken is the owner of the hardware store and Ryan’s “boss”. He makes a wicked hemp and wheat grass salad.


Doctor Anderson is the local psychiatrist. She has her work cut out for her.


Featherblood used to be the baddest pigeon in town, until Sir came along. They’re cool now, though.


Commander Kitty is a bona-fide supervillain, and Sir’s Arch Nemesis.


Lord Recluse is a gentlemanly spider that claims to be a supervillain. He has some issues.


The Fern is super annoying and his dad is rich. His claim to supervillainy is… dubious.


Doctor Eyebulb may not be a real doctor, but he totally has light bulbs for eyes.


Jet Pack Jesus only forgives awesome sins.


Customers. You’re dumb, we hate you, and you don’t deserve a picture.